Their ceiling is your floor.
Their ceiling is your floor.
I didn’t personally come up with this characterization of the parent-child relationship, but I believe that, by now, I’ve repeated it in the presence of a thousand or so people. I see a light go on in some faces when I say it. It seems to help. “Their ceiling is your floor” names a way of carrying a parent—or the memory of a parent—with us.
I don’t think of it as a dig. I think of it as a natural process. Not shrinking my life down to the size of someone else’s fear is a way of honoring them. Otherwise, I risk living too much of my life in the wake of their oversize load. I hope my children will honor me by moving past or above me. I pray they will. My ceiling is their floor.
I share it as a contemplative resource for the holiday weekend.
I have another one in Robert Ellsberg’s recent effort honoring his father, Daniel Ellsberg. It covers so much: Distance, divorce, Henry Kissinger, the climate crisis, state secrets, candor, and conscience. The distinction between faith and hope.
Listen to this:
"Courage, holiness, goodness are contagious; and the people who model them expand our moral imaginations – they open up new horizons and possibilities for humanity."
I recommend sharing or reading the remembrance out loud to someone. It’s as good as it gets.
It happens that my new book on deferential fear and strategies for overcoming it is centered around something Daniel Ellsberg said many years ago. I keep it in front of me.
Listen:
“I’ve come to realize [it’s] the fear of being cut out from the group of people you respect, and whose respect you want and normally expect, that keeps people participating in anything—no matter how terrible.”
Isn’t that a word?
Happy father’s day to those who celebrate.
HOUSEKEEPING INSTRUCTION: I’ve recently found out that some of you have pledged money to me via this Substack. Please hear me out. Don’t do that. I want your money, but I don’t want your money that way. I want this Substack free to everyone & I don’t much like the idea of being directly compensated financially for it.
That said…there are ways you can support me if you want to. I’ll describe some.
You can order copies of my out-of-print books from me directly. Just e-mail me and we can discuss terms. I’ll write whatever you want me to within them (Including words of repentance). I have a Venmo account. Let’s talk.
You can also order copies of my in-print books. Lots of them, if you like. You can give them away as gifts. Let me say that it’s especially good for our planet and for me personally when you order those books from independent booksellers. I want my books on the radar of as many independent booksellers as possible.
You can publish reviews of my work in news media and Amazon and Good Reads.
You can order my book from your local library.
You can plot with bookstores and universities and churches and libraries and book clubs and art galleries to bring me out to where you are to speak out loud and facilitate discussions. I love doing this.
You can put me on the radar of people who will attack my work and loudly insist that it not be made accessible in libraries and bookstores.
But look, that’s enough about me. Thanks for listening.
Stay safe and be good to each other.