“Folks from the backwoods were certain about two things: that every human soul needed to be free and that the responsibility of being free required one to be a person of integrity, a person who lived in such a way that there would always be a congruency between what one thinks, says, and does.”
bell hooks, Appalachian Elegy: Poetry and Place
Almost four years ago, I received a phone call from a former student asking for my advice about whether or not he should reach out to the FBI to let them know what his father and his men’s group were up to.
If memory serves, I’d met him when he was fourteen-years-old. I believe we’ve read 1984 and perhaps Notes From Underground together. It was obvious to me that he loves his father, but this particular student—now a father himself—had also demonstrated a commitment to baseline moral seriousness and an aversion to authoritarian thinking in the years I’d known him well. We were a day or two out from the white supremacist terror putsch of January 6, 2021, and word among his father’s prayer huddle was that something else along those lines (bigger and more decisive) was going to go down on inauguration day. This worried dad did not want to have remained silent when something he might have said or done could have saved lives. There’s loyalty, yes, but there’s also self-respect, public safety, and the children that are our future to think about. There’s the sense in which we are not at all honoring our parents if we coddle or cover for them when they’ve become a threat to themselves and others.
I felt honored that he reached out to me. I’m proud to know someone like him.
He’s on my mind today as I sort through what remains possible and what my responsibilities are. I treasure the memory of our candid, hours-long conversation. Candid, hours-long conversation between two or more people remain possible here and there and…maybe not everywhere…but lots of places in these United States.
My title for this piece, “We’re On Our Own,” can sound ominous. I’m alright with that, but I also intend something exceedingly positive. I believe most Americans are at least a little like my former student. The “we” I have in mind is the most of us who are committed to speaking freely and honestly in worlds that sometimes demand our silence. So much depends on who we have in mind exactly when we say “we.”
Every human soul needs to be free. The responsibility of being free requires one to be a person of integrity, a person who lives in such a way that there is always a congruency between what one thinks, says, and does.
That’s my paraphrase of the bell hooks passage I shared at the start. I intend to keep it before me as I try to put into practice my new years’ resolution to not coddle people I’ve known who are behaving abusively and providing cover for others who are behaving abusively. I will hold a door open when I can as I recall all the times someone held a door open for me. But no more coddling.
Stay safe, everyone.
I'm not sure I still believe that most Americans care about doing right by others and aren't like the worst of those who represent them in state and national offices. I could cling to that belief after 2016, when Trump won only a minority of the popular vote. But not now. The authoritarianism, the cruelty, and the attacks on entire classes of people were on the ballot in 2024, and a majority of voters endorsed all of it. They may try to claim they didn't, but the day will come when they have to confront what they voted for, and they will have as little credibility as the Germans who tried to claim they were unaware that Jews were being mass-murdered in their name.
It seems to me that people have a much greater capacity for rationalization than for empathy. My experience with Trumpism bears that out. I see my neighbors rationalizing why they voted for Trump (my cost of bread is too high, or my retirement savings are all invested in the stock market, so I had no choice) instead of confronting what he promises to do. I see them rationalizing votes for TN Republicans (Democrats are too liberal and "elitist")so they don't have to hold themselves accountable for supporting people who want to cut off school lunches for poor kids.
My father always insisted, "You are what you tolerate." I've seen what these people tolerate. On the other hand, my father also said, "Give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove they don't deserve it." With these people, I keep seeing more proof. So I am finding less and less reason to think that the basic goodness of most Americans is anything but delusion.
Touché and Here, Here, David! Speaking the truth feels SO VERY GOOD! Let's all just do that from now on. We certainly have to explore and get to know ourselves well in order for us to act in authentic ways though... a hard journey for many of us.