Now At Capacity

The screen grab above isn’t mine, but it is, I’ll readily admit, a picture of something I wrote. It hits different now, but I stand by it. Reading over it again recently summoned within me the phrase, “now at capacity.”

We become what we sit still for, what we play along with, and what we abide even as we hold on to what we have (or think we have). A risk averseness, if we aren’t careful, can cost us our own capacity to be moved. This, of course, is our capacity for love, arguably, our soul. We become what we normalize.

For about half my life, I’ve been writing down things Sarah Dark says and treasuring them in my bodymind. Something she dropped on me over a week ago has proven helpful in my processing aloud the new horrors with friends and family and the amazing young people who provide me with a material living.

Sarah says life happens to us and through us.

I’m sitting within this insight and remembering that I can’t always control what life happens to me (or anyone), but…I do have quite the say—an alarming amount of control actually—over what life happens through me unto others. I am lately attempting to be more careful about giving too much energy to monitoring situations outside of my control. I am, however, committed anew in monitoring—or being awake to—love and delight in the life coming to me and through me specifically. Much to grieve out there. Much to love and tend to in here. *points at heart*

I have another screenshot.

I don’t know how long the content I’ve posted on Twitter over the years will remain publicly accessible, but I’m grateful someone shared this screenshot. It connotes a sometimes helpful both/and vibe even as one part, in my estimation, goes way too far. That “we” is doing too much work. Yes, someone—many someones—have held a door open to me when they had lots of solid reasons to write me off. For that, I am grateful.

But I am in no position to tell anyone else that they have to hold a door open for anyone anywhere. I am no expert on threats others face. I’m going to mind my “we” more carefully moving forward. Boundaries, y’all.

And….that’s almost it from me today, but let it be known that Cory Bishop and I will be appearing in Franklin at Landmark Booksellers this Wednesday night at 6pm. We’ll talk and take questions and I’ll sign any books anybody wishes to buy.

WHICH REMINDS ME…I’m still willing to see to that particular development on foot and via transit and our postal service. Reach out if you want one or more and we can discuss terms.